she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
