Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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