i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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