never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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