New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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