i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
