My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
