wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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