Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
