literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
