Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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