I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
