Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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