i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
