Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
