Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize