he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
