hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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