We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
