I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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