Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
