You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
