I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I FOUND THE LEGS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
