omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
