dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
