your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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