I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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