peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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