at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
