ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
