Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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