Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
