Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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