he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
