So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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