You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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