I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
