That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
