I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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