Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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