Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
