So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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