hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
