I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
