You really coming over, don't trick.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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