Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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