i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
