I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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