She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wanna go halves on a baby?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
