so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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