Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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