he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
