Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
