We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
did you just send me my own nude
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
