Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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