sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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