Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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