Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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