my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
