i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
