I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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