didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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