how can u be prego again
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
