apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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