would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
