if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
