Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
