His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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