we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
