Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
