uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
