I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
