DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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