no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
