there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
