When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
