well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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