I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
