I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
